Monday, November 28

emotional lessons

In my class at work I've been trying to teach my kids a little emotional resilience. It ain't easy. And it's hard because I feel mean, doing it. I've been giving them tasks that are hard, that they will have to attempt a couple of times to get right. I start out be telling them it won't be easy. That they will make mistakes - that they might stuff it up completely. But that if they persevere they'll succeed.


As hard as it can be to say to a five year-old child, "No, I won't help you. You have to do it yourself", I do. Because I know that if I don't, they'll never learn to. If you give your child velcro-strap shoes all their lives because it's easier, how will they ever learn to tie their own laces? And there's nothing as wonderful as hearing a child that's been struggling with something for fifteen minutes say, "I did it! I did it by my self!"

And the look in their eyes and the smile on their face is wonderful. Learning to fail and pick themselves up afterwards and to continue has to be one of the most valuable lessons a child can learn and too often we don't let them learn it.

"Don't climb that tree, you'll fall out and get hurt!"

"Be careful on the swing. You don't want to fall off!"


"Here, let me help you."

As parents, it is only natural for us to not want our child to experience any kind of pain - be it physical or emotional. And we do our best to prevent it from happening to them. But I think this can mean that we  are limiting our children's experiences and opportunities for growth. It is a fine balancing act to get right. Knowing when to step in and when to step out is a tricky hokey-pokey. But if our kids are going to be resilient and emotionally secure into their adult lives, it is a dance we have to get right.

Of course we won't, always. But the important thing is to model the emotional resilience and to keep trying.

(PS: Yes, I know I'm supposed to be doing one a day for 60 days and I'm way behind, but life keeps getting in the way.)

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